Down the Home Stretch

I have been in the hospital now about a week and a half. I must say that I feel a whole lot better than I did last week. The staff here at the hospital is fantastic. I have been well cared for.

We got some bad, but totally expected, news yesterday. The cancer is progressing quite rapidly in my abdomen and liver and, as anticipated there is really nothing we can do about it other than turn it over to God, which of coarse we have done. We have shifted our focus from cure/prevention to quality of life. We will bring hospice in to help with my care. I'm not yet sure what that means other than helping me stay as comfortable as possible with the time I have left which, according to the doctor, is around 4 to 5 months. HEY.... I have an expiration date! "Good for use until Spring 2011". If things get bad enough I will go into a nursing home.

The Bible is loaded with encouraging and uplifting versus. I find great comfort in them.

Psalm 18 -- The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 31 -- In you, O Lord, I seek refuge; do not let me ever be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me. Incline your ear to me; rescue me speedily.

Psalm 91 -- For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

Joshua 1:9 -- 'I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’

Dear and merciful Lord.  Thank You for guiding us along our journey and please continue to lead us toward profiting Your kingdom.

An Encouraging Squeeze

Last week in my May 10th posting I spoke about the conversation that my oncologist and I had regarding the safety and wisdom of continuing with chemotherapy. He recommended that we stop. I indicated that I wanted at least one more treatment, not yet willing to retreat from the battle. We agreed to at least one more and see what happens and I had my treatment that day.

Whoa… so does this guy know what he’s talking about or what? The treatment hit me like a ton of bricks on a truck moving at 70 miles an hour with the wind at its’ back. By the weekend I was becoming delirious and I really could not walk. My white blood count bottomed out. I’m really not sure what day it was but I think it was on Monday the 13th that I was admitted to the hospital. Today is Sunday the 19th and I am still loading up on steroids, fluids, antibiotics, pain meds, etc. I am hoping that I’ll be home by Christmas. (This would make a great song title.)

Okay. So now what? Well, we don’t know. We’ll do some scans to see what’s going on and decide at that time.

Psalm 18 -- The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

We will continue give this over to God and let him lead us through this. His will be done.

Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed by thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

Now comes the good part.

Last night I was lying on the hospital bed trying to read. I was having a hard time focusing on the book since my mind was busy reflecting on recent events in our journey. Suddenly I felt a hand come down on my shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. I quickly turned but no one was there. Okay. Muscle spasm? I turned back to my book and a few moments later I felt the hand on my other shoulder followed by a gentle squeeze. I didn’t have to look. I knew who it was. What a wonderful way for my gentle and loving Lord to provide encouragement to me in such an intimate way.


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Medical Update

It has been an interesting week on the medical front, with a mix of great news and not so great news.

First the Great News
As a follow-up to my brain surgery we had a brain MRI earlier this week to see if there are any more tumors forming in the brain. I meet with my neurologist today to learn that the scan showed “all clear” with no evidence of further tumor growth. This is really, really good news. I was prepared to learn that another was forming so this was a welcome outcome. (I really do not want to go through another brain surgery.) The area of the brain where the original tumor was is still “void” of brain matter but is filling in nicely. God is great. God is good.

The Not So Great News
I went to the oncologist this past Wednesday for blood tests and hopefully chemo treatment if the blood work came back okay. The blood work came back looking good (finally) so I was able to take the treatment I have been waiting for. Back into the fight! The kicker is, as I had feared for a few weeks now, that my oncologist is recommending that I stop chemo all together. He is concerned that I have taken all the chemo over the years that my body can tolerate and that more would do more harm than good, particularly with respect to “quality of life”. He wanted to not give me treatment this week, feeling that stopping now would be best for me. We talked about it a bit and I told him that we had committed ourselves to fighting this beast as long as we could and as long as there was some hope of extending my life. He indicated that he was not sure that more chemo would help. We reached a compromise. I took the chemo this week. We’ll do a scan in a couple of weeks to see if the tumors have continued to progress. I they have, implying that the treatments are not helping; we’ll stop the treatments. If the tumors have not progressed we’ll reevaluate and make a decision as to what to do next, if anything.

Matthew 9:20-22 -- ‘If I only touch his cloak, I will be made well.’...Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, ‘Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.’

Right now I am feeling pretty lousy after the treatment a couple of days ago. I am very tired and have no strength. I am pretty much in a chemo-induced stupor. The oncologist may be right. Do I want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this?


Dear Lord. We have faithfully followed You throughout this journey and will continue to do so. We ask that You continue to lead us down the path that will best benefit Your kingdom.



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Birthdays

Today is my birthday. I am now 59 years old. Yippeeee! I was 55 when I was diagnosed with cancer and, at the time, it was doubtful whether or not I would see my 59th birthday. But here I am. Daily I thank God for the day He has given me and I ask for another. So far He has graciously provided. God is great. God is good.

I have come to consider my birthdays as “milestones” in my life. None of us really know whether or not we will see our next birthday but most of us just sort of take it for granted that we will. Some of us hope and pray that we will and we rely on our Lord to graciously provide. Some folks dread having a birthday because it means they are getting old. From my perspective, getting old is the objective and should be celebrated rather than dreaded. The birthday is a day of celebration of the precious life that God has provided us.

Jeremiah 1:4-5 -- Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…

Dear Lord, thank you for another birthday. I have asked for, and you have provided, another day of life and for that I am deeply grateful. Thank you Lord for all of the blessing you have provided us. You are truly a gracious God.


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Cancer Is Limited

The past couple of weeks have been tough. My blood counts are still out of whack so I still have not resumed chemotherapy. My strength and stamina are still low and I have little energy to do much of anything. The Lymphedema in my right leg is causing some serious pain. And, to top things off, my left eye has lost focused so my doctor insists that I don’t drive. Oh well. {Sigh}

I found myself focusing on all of these negative things when I received an email from a friend. In this email was an inspirational quote that she thought I might find useful.


There is a sign in the Mayo Clinic that reads:

"Cancer is limited: It cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot erode faith, it cannot eat away peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot shut out memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul, it cannot reduce eternal life, it cannot quench the spirit, and it cannot lessen the power of the resurrection."


What timing! This could not have come to me at a better time. I believe that the Holy Spirit was at work here, inspiring my friend to send it when I needed it the most. Thank you Pam for your help. Thank you Lord for your continued guidance.

And I totally agree that the cancer itself cannot have an affect on these emotions, characteristics and end points. But I have to add to it with… “Unless you let it.”

Yes, cancer is limited in that it only directly affects the physical health of the diseased patient. However, if the patient allows it to, it will also affect his mental and emotional health as well as possibly shatter his trust and faith in God.


Love
If the cancer patient cannot maintain a healthy level of self-esteem during the ordeal then he will find it difficult to love himself as God’s creation. If he cannot love himself it will be difficult to love those people closest to him.

Inner Peace, Confidence, Hope, Faith, Courage
I believe this is critical. There may come a time during the journey with cancer that the patient may have to make some tough choices about treatment options and quality of life. At this point the patient may feel helpless, not knowing what to do or how to do it. He could easily lose inner peace, confidence, hope, faith and courage. Pat and I were talking about this the other day. We quickly came to the conclusion that our best option was to turn it over to God. We have faithfully followed Him through this entire journey and He has not led us astray.

Matthew 11:28-30 -- ‘Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’

Matthew 19:26 -- But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘For mortals it is impossible, but for God all things are possible.’

Romans 5:3-5 -- And not only that, but we* also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope..

Friendship and Memories
Throughout our journey we have had countless numbers of friends who have reached out to us with prayer and support. It is truly humbling. I believe that many of these people have gone to battle with us because they see us battling this cancer every step of the way. If we were stuck in our own personal Pity-Party it would be difficult for our friends to stand with us.

Quench the Spirit, Invade the Soul, Eternal Life, and the Power of the Resurrection
If the cancer patient allows himself to become focused upon the flesh and the grief caused by the cancer rather than the Holy Spirit where strength and guidance can be found then the patient may expose himself to doubting the power of the Holy Spirit, promised eternal life and resurrection.


This journey certainly has been an interesting and eye opening experience. We have found ourselves facing situations and decisions that are very foreign to us. Along this entire journey we have put our faith in God and let him guide us through all of it.

Joshua 1:9 -- 'I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’


Thank you Lord for Your continued guidance and the many blessings You have mercifully provided our family. We trust You and will continue to follow You where ever You lead us.


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Heaven and Hell – Ramblings

For two thousand years people have debated what heaven and hell is going to be like and just who will go to heaven and who will go to hell for eternity.

Matthew recorded what Jesus taught us about the Great White Throne Judgment:

Matthew 25:31-34, 41 -- ‘When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. Then he will say to those at his left hand, “You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels;


So Here are the Questions

When the Great White Throne Judgment occurs, who will be sent to populate heaven and who will be sent to populate hell and what is heaven and hell like?

There is very little in the Bible describing heaven and hell other than “paradise” versus the “fiery pit”. John describes the heavenly throne room in Revelations but that’s about it. I guess God doesn’t feel it necessary for us to know for sure leaving it to our own imagination. It really doesn’t matter, we will all find out soon enough.

The following rambling is one interpretation that my scrambled brain has been playing with. I certainly am not saying that these are the answers to the questions but I do believe they are worth thinking about. After all, God has left it to our imagination and God encourages us to discover His secrets.

Deuteronomy 29:29 -- The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the revealed things belong to us and to our children for ever, to observe all the words of this law.

Proverbs 25:2 -- It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.



My Ramblings

Psalm 19:14 -- Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

We all were created in the image of God and since we were created in His image, we all have been imprinted with His basic moral commands or codes – Don’t steal, lie, cheat, kill, covet, etc.
Since we were also given free will, it is up to us as individuals to either obey these commands or not. All of the major religions have adopted these basic imprinted behavioral laws and have, as is discovered in the Old Testament, for thousands of years. (Cain knew it was wrong to murder Able.)

The vast majority of the people in the world belong to, or claim to belong to, one or another of the world’s major religions. I wonder how many of these people really worship God as opposed to just “belonging” to the congregation and how many of these folks observe, or attempt to observe, the basic imprinted moral commands, that is, live a righteous life? A significant portion of the population doesn’t even believe in a god but are still imprinted with God’s behavioral commands. I wonder how many of these folks observe the basic moral commands? I wonder, given the world’s total population since the beginning, what proportion of all of these people observed these imprinted commands? Based upon all of the turmoil that has always occurred in the world I would guess not many.

Hosea 14:9 -- Those who are wise understand these things; those who are discerning know them. For the ways of the Lord are right, and the upright walk in them, but transgressors stumble in them.

Okay, here I go out on a limb again. I have discussed this before and every time I do I cringe a bit because it bumps up against the basic Christian believe that, unless you accept Jesus as your redeemer and savior you cannot inherit His kingdom. This belief is based upon Jesus’ words that John recorded in his testimony.

John 14:6-7 -- ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also.

This has always implied to us that the only way into heaven is by accepting Christ as our Savior. But is that really what he is saying? Yes, He does say, “If you know me, you will know the Father also.” This, I believe, means that if you follow Gods laws, accept Jesus as your savior, give control of your life over to God, and let the Holy Spirit guide you through life you will earn a place in God’s kingdom. But he also says, “No one comes to the Father except through me.” Does this imply that, as long as Jesus believes that you are, or will be, worthy, He will allow you to know the Father? (Okay, I am going way out on a limb here, but I can’t help but wonder.)

Consider this verse again:

Deuteronomy 29:29 -- The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the revealed things belong to us and to our children for ever, to observe all the words of this law.

In this verse, God tells us that what is written in the Bible is everything we need to know in order to live a righteous earthly life and then to inherit eternal spirit life in Heaven. He is also telling us that He has secrets that we don’t need to know about. These secret things are for Him alone to know.

Now consider this. A person is standing in front of Jesus at the White Throne Judgment who has not accepted Jesus as the savior and is looking Jesus in the eye. Jesus then says, “I have known you since you were conceived in the womb. I know that you have not yet accepted me as your Lord and Savior but you observed my imprinted moral codes as best you could and lived a really good and righteous life. I also know that once you experience me as your Lord and King you will be a faithful servant and will contribute to the building up of our Heavenly kingdom. Since I am the only judge and the only way to the Father I judge you worthy. Welcome to My kingdom.”

I know I know. This is a stretch. There is absolutely nothing in the Bible that would support this and I am not implying that I believe it to be true. It is only my rambling thinking. But just for the fun of it let’s head down this path.

Who Would Populate Heaven? People who accepted Jesus as their savior and redeemer and turned control of their lives over to God will be accepted into heaven. Also included would be all of the other people who attempted to live their lives following their imprinted moral code. Jesus would judge these people worthy of eternal life in heaven since He knows they lived a righteous life on earth and that they will work toward profiting God’s kingdom once they experience Jesus as their Lord and King.

Who Would Populate Hell? Those people who disregarded their imprinted moral code and lived their lives by the flesh, working toward profiting their own “kingdom” seeking wealth, possessions, power, control, etc.

What Would Heaven be Like? If heaven is populated only with really good, righteous people who ultimately accepted God as their king and who continued to worship God and profit His kingdom heaven would be a wonderful place to spend eternity. Heaven would be a true Theocracy. There would be no need for a government, God would be king and rule heaven with his merciful love. Each individual would love and worship God and love their fellow man. There would be no wars, or conflicts. Not a tear would be shed. Complete harmony.

What Would Hell be Like? Being populated with selfish, self-righteous, self-serving people it would be a horrid place to spend eternity. Consider what the governing authorities would do with their power grabs and their disregard for the population. The place would be in total chaos with no hope in sight for eternity. Imagine all of the conflicts and wars. Murders would be a part of life. Gang wars resulting in constant fighting in the streets. On going terrorist attacks. Rape, stealing, and sexual promiscuity would be accepted as common. It would be a very dangerous, nasty, Godless place. (It all sounds like fire and brimstone to me.) The Bible does tell us that Satan will rule over hell.


I am sure that this scenario doesn’t come close to being accurate but it was fun to play with it a bit. I personally am taking the prescribed route to heaven using God’s word given to us in the Bible as my guide. I am building my relationship with God. I continue to learn what God expects of me. I have accepted Jesus into my heart and know that he is my savior and redeemer. I constantly listen for the Holy Spirit to guide me and correct me. If I am successful I will earn a place in heaven with God for eternity.



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Medical Update

I was hoping to receive chemotherapy this past Thursday but my blood platelets count was way to low to risk the therapy. We will try once again the week after next. I did receive a bag of fluids in hopes of it perking me up a bit but to no avail. It is four days later and I have not received a “boost” from the fluids. My plans are to receive two bags of fluids on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, in hopes of them perking me up enough to really enjoy the holiday weekend with my family.

It is becoming apparent that, after years of chemotherapy, my body is getting saturated with the cell killing drugs and that it may become too dangerous to receive much more of the chemo drugs. The drugs have begun affecting my bone marrow and, as a result, the bone marrow is not producing platelets as it should. I am only guessing at this point but I believe my Oncologist is about ready to tell me, “No more chemo for you buck-o. It will do more harm than good.” Well, if that happens I am unsure what our next line of defense is. We will push forward with God’s guidance.

I have been very unsteady on my feet and I continue to experience the dreaded chemo induced stupor, which feels like when you’re drunk, but you don’t have the buzz. I continue to use my cane or my walker and both work out pretty well. It is tough to get around but the good news is that I get around.

Matthew 26:39 -- ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.’

I continue to raise this prayer to God everyday. I also thank God for the day he has given me and ask Him for another. So far he has not failed me.

God is great. God is good.



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Suffering and Sainthood

The following post is a copy of a comment by my cousin Linda left on my last posting “Went for a Walk with the Walker”. I know that the comment is available to you all but I wanted to make sure you all saw it. I think that what she has to say is very inspiring and encouraging. I asked Linda if she would mind if Iposted it and she did not hesitate to allow me. As a resut, Linda has been given the title of “Contributing Poster”.  Thank you Linda.

Oh, by the way, I by no means consider myself “Saintly”. I’m just another guy who, like thousands of others along with their families, are going through a journey that we really are not exited about. I have simply turned it all over to God who sustains me. Thank You Lord.
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'My Cousin The Saint,' is a great book by Justin Catanoso that I recently read. The author finds out that his grandfather's cousin, Padre Gaetano Catanoso of Calabria, Italy is being cannonized a saint in 2001. "A typically lapsed American Catholic, Justin embarks on a quest to connect with his extended family in southern Italy and ultimately, to awaken his slumbering faith." That last line is from the inside cover In any event, I thoroughly enjoyed his adventure of discovering his roots and learning about the life of his ancestor who so inspired others that he was being recognized by the Catholic Church as a bonified 'saint.'

As I mentioned before, I love the saints......I love reading about their lives and circumstances and about how they nurtured their relationship with God. It seems to me that the one thing they all have in common is that they all suffered - some from physical ailments, some spiritual - and that they so fully embraced this suffering because they saw it as bringing them in union with Christ - carrying that cross. They never complain. It's as if their suffering chips away at the earthly distractions so that their understanding of eternal life is heightened. A necessary evil, if you will.

I am currently reading Debra Herbeck's "Safely Through The Storm" which includes several quotes that I find inspirational. They also remind me of 'my cousin the saint'......you - Paul:) Your Mall Walker with a Walker story is told with the same patience and acceptance as any other saint I've read about.

Here are a few 'saint' excerpts from the above-mentioned book that I thought you might enjoy also:

Be at Peace Today
Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same Eternal Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day of your life. He will either shield you from suffering, or he will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, then, and put aside all anxious thoughts.
----St. Francis de Sales

God Does Not Change
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
Though all things pass
God does not change.
Patience wins all things.
But he lacks nothing
Who possesses God;
For God alone suffices.
---St. Teresa of Avila

Four years ago when I went on Pilgrimage to Italy we visited a remote mountain town of San Giovanni Rotondo. That is where St. Padre Pio spent most of his life. He is one of our modern saints having lived from 1887-1968. He was cannonized in 2002. While he is said to have had the gift of tongues and bilocation, he was most well known for the spiritual phenomenon of the stigmata. He suffered the wounds of Christ for over 50 years. 'The wounds were painful, and he felt them not only on his hands, on his feet and in his side but also, as was recently revealed, on his shoulder, where Christ carried the cross.' (From '39 New Saints you should know' by Brian O'Neel.)

Here are a couple of thoughts from Padre Pio -

The Way to Heaven
What does it matter to you whether Jesus wishes to guide you to Heaven by way of the desert or by the fields, so long as you get there by one way or the other? Put away any excessive worrying which results from the trials by which the good God has desired to test you; and if this is not possible, resign yourself to the Divine will.

and

Make Yourself at Home
It is just as well to make yourself at home with the sufferings that Jesus is pleased to send you as you must always live with them. In this way, when you are least expecting to be liberated from them, Jesus, who cannot bear to keep you long in affliction, will come and relieve you and comfort you, giving you new courage.

Since saints are just 'holy and human people who live extraordinary lives,' I think you qualify. So from now on, you are 'MY COUSIN, the saint.'

Love,
Linda


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Went for a Walk (With the Walker)

I was sitting around yesterday starting to feel sorry for myself. Feeling sorry not because I have cancer, I can live with that with God’s grace, but rather because I have been so dragged down with no strength or stamina. You cannot imagine how hard it is for me to even get out of a chair my legs are so weak. It has gotten to a point where there is very little I can do for myself and must rely on Pat and Chris to do the simplest things for me which they gladly do. I am very thankful for their attentiveness but I would like to improve my quality of life enough that I can once again be doing at least a few things for myself.

As I was sitting there sulking about my condition I said to God, “Dear Lord, help me.” One word came back. “Exercise”. It was a gentle response and very logical. Now I may have come up with this answer on my own but somehow I believe that the response was from God. (Thank You Lord.)

Okay. Exercise. Go to the gym? Begin lifting weights? Aerobics? Naaaa…. I don’t think so. I just need to get moving and work my muscles, particularly my legs. I had used my walker for the first time last week when I went for chemotherapy and I was quite please how it aided my stability so that I had no fear of falling. Okay. I can begin walking, with the walker, for no other reason than to begin using my leg muscles. Great idea. I’ll do it.

So, I loaded my friend the walker into the back seat of my car and headed to the mall this morning. My plan was to hit the mall, walk around as much as I could, then reward myself with a hot mocha. Now the mall here is not large but my objective was to walk from one end to the other and then, of course, back again. I hit the floor of the mall (trying to suck up the fact that I was in public with a walker) at a slow and steady pace.

I made it about half way to the other end and stopped, sat on a bench, and rested for a few minutes. My legs felt good but I was loosing stamina. After a short while I was back on my feet and moving. “Hey, this isn’t so bad.” I thought. When I reached the far end of the mall I sat again for a while, regained my strength, and headed back to where I began my walk. I had to stop once along the way but I made it with no trouble at all. All in all it took me about 40 minutes to complete my journey.


1 Corinthians 10:13 -- No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


The mocha tasted extra good.

My intent now is to do this as often as I can. I am now a “Mall Walker with a Walker”.


Dear Lord, thank you for another day of life. I humbly ask for another. Thank You for all of the many blessing You have provided my family.


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Medical Update

Blood levels were borderline on Thursday (yesterday) but my oncologist gave the go ahead for chemotherapy. Finally once again fighting back. I am scheduled to receive another treatment next week and I pray that I will be able to receive it.

Psalm 91 -- For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.


I am hoping that the dreaded “chemo brain” will be a mild case this time around. Typically after a treatment I end up in a “chemo induced stupor” which is very disorienting.

I continue to have little strength and stamina. Along with the chemotherapy I got pumped full of fluids. This will perk me up for a few days and will hopefully sustain me through the weekend.

My oncologist tripled the amount of steroids I take in a day. Since then I am developing red splotches on my arms, my face is red, everything is swelling, and I am sleeping restlessly. I don’t like steroids but as long as my oncologist feels it is best I will put up with it.

I felt a little shaky on my feet so, for fear of falling, I used my walker to get around rather than my cane. This is the first time I have used it and was a little self-conscience about it. I felt like a feeble old man pushing the walker in front of me… Come to think about it, I guess I am becoming a feeble old man (laughing to myself). But then again, getting old is the objective, right? Getting old without falling is better yet. I’m thinking about putting a little basket on the walker so I can cart around some stuff (mocha coffee) with me as I use it. It is not really possible to carry anything and use the walker at the same time. Maybe I’ll include a bicycle horn, a rear view mirror, and some streamers as well. (Hey… If your going to do it you might as well do it all the way, right?)

Just before Jesus was arrested that night before his crucifixion He prayed to His father, asking that, if it is possible, to not let happen what was about to happen but that he would willing yield to God’s will. This is a perfect example of a perfect man’s humanity.

Matthew 26:39 -- ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.’

I continue to raise this prayer to God everyday. I also thank God for the day he has given me and ask Him for another. So far he has not failed me.

God is great.  God is good.


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God’s Guidance With a Lesson

This is a somewhat long posting and I hope that you can take the time to read through it. This posting describes an experience that was very meaningful to me. I hope you find it interesting.
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Christians who have opened their hearts to our Lord Jesus Christ, turned control of their lives to God, and rely upon the Holy Spirit and scripture for guidance have a huge advantage when making decisions about what to do in specific circumstances. The Christian consistently prays about the situation, asking God what he or she should do in order to best benefit His kingdom and waits for an answer. I have had times when that answer comes immediately and there have been times when the answer is slow in revealing itself. I don’t let the delay deter me. I figure that God wants me to continue to think about it, most likely to help me gain a better understanding of myself or perhaps to push me toward reading scripture to discover the answer there. Either way, a correct answer always comes.

James 1:5-8 -- If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

Recently I have had to make a major decision.

For nearly seven years I have been the Chairman of the Board of Trustees for our church’s Christian K-3 to 8 school. During that time our school has thrived and we are now in the initial stages of preparing to expand our capacity to accommodate forecasted growth as well as to renovate existing facilities. This will be a multimillion-dollar project that will require a great deal of work by many people. Along with this, the routine work of the Board must continue.

Over recent months since my brain surgery, brain radiation, and sporadic chemotherapy treatments my health has been failing me. I have good days and I have bad days and, of course, I cannot predict from day to day whether it will be a good one or a bad one. As a result it has been very difficult for me to commit to attending board meetings, taking on specific tasks related to the board, or working with our Head of School and Executive Committee to create meeting agendas and establish “next steps” for the board and school. Along with this there is no indication that my health will improve.

After not being able to attend a couple of critical meetings during the past month I began to wonder whether or not I was still capable of chairing the board. I felt as though I was letting the group down by not providing the leadership I was tasked with providing. The executive committee is completely capable of fulfilling the responsibility and we have a very competent Vice Chair so I was not concerned about the work getting done. But I was beginning to feel guilty.

I turned to God for guidance.

My first question to God was, “Dear Lord, what should I do to best build Your kingdom, continue as Chairman of the Board or step down and let someone else who can make the commitment to take on the task?”

No Response.

This did not bother me in that often answers are slow in coming. I continued to think and pray about it and then asked God, “Great and mighty Lord, should I move aside from the Chairmanship?”

Again, no response.

Okay. He didn’t like that question. What about this one: “Lord, should someone else besides me Chair this board?”

Sigh. Again, no guidance.

This had been going on for sometime and I was beginning to wonder if the Holy Spirit was on vacation or something. I continued to pray and think about it. I began to reason that there was always the chance that my health would improve and that I could slip back into an affective leadership role on the board. But of course, the opposite may occur. I realized that this was probably wishful thinking.

Finally God responds.

Okay, time to ask once again for guidance. This time I put a little different twist on the question. “Gracious and mighty Lord, what is stopping me from resigning my position as Chairman of Board?”

This time, in an instant, like a lightning bolt, the answer came. “Pride”.

I almost jumped back when this answer was given to me so quickly and forcefully. Of course, pride. I was very proud of the work I had been doing with the board and, in trying to make the decision about what to do I was letting my own pride get in the way of the decision that would best benefit God’s kingdom.

God does not like self-righteous pride.

Proverbs 16:5 -- The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.

Romans 12:3 -- For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

1 Corinthians 4:7 -- For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

Jeremiah 9:23-24 -- ...but let those who boast boast in this, that they understand and know me, that I am the Lord; I act with steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth, for in these things I delight.

And, of course, it was Lucifer’s pride that got him banished from heaven.

Ezekiel 28:17 -- Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings.

God tells us to be humble.

God delights in providing for us, and delights in our good works and our humility.

Micah 6:8 -- He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.

James 4:6 -- But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

1 Peter 5:6 -- Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,

Luke 14:11 -- For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Proverbs 22:4 -- The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.

Psalm 25:9 -- He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

What a relief. I now had an answer as to what to do. In order to best build God’s kingdom through leadership of the school’s board I needed to step aside and turn the position over to another who could commit the time and the energy to the task.

As I look back on how I went about asking for God’s guidance on this decision I realize that He purposely forced me to think about the situation and ask the question in such a way that would not only provide the answer but also reminded me that the work I had done with the board was only possible because of the talents God had provided me. My pride in the work I had done was self-righteous. This self-righteousness resulted in the board not being as affective as it could be in profiting God’s kingdom because of my inability to completely fulfill my task as chairman.

God is great. God is good.

Thank you Lord not only for your guidance but also the lesson you taught me about pride. You are truly a wise and gracious God.

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Taking a Break

It has been a while since I have posted and, to my faithful readers, I apologize for that. Over the recent weeks I have been very tired with little strength and have found it difficult to focus my attention on much of anything. I have decided to take a short break in an effort “unclutter” my mind.

Psalm 46:10 -- ‘Be still, and know that I am God!'

I hope to have something new posted in a few days.

Medical update: My chemotherapy treatments continue to be far and few between. My blood counts continue to be out of whack and my oncologist feels as though too much therapy would be dangerous. I have been receiving chemo now for about four and a half years and we may be reaching a point where continuing chemotherapy may not be wise. We will continue to take it a week at a time and trust in God, knowing that He will lead us toward whatever will benefit His kingdom.

Matthew 26:39 -- ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.’


Dear and mighty Lord. We continue to thank you for the many blessing you have given us. Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for our family and friends who love us, support us, and provide prayers for us.  We ask, Lord, that You continue to give us time together as a family and that You continue to bless us with Your grace.



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God Bless the Caregivers

Cancer patients are blessed with easy access to high quality medical care and skilled doctors and nurses who know how best to care for their patients. It seems like new treatments are discovered daily that cure the disease or extend the life of the patient. Through God’s mercy there is always hope.

1 Corinthians 10:13 -- No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

Beyond the doctors and nurses there are countless unsung heroes who provide intimate care to the cancer patient. These heroes are the immediate and extended family members of the patient as well as friends. I have spent hundreds of hours in the chemo room receiving therapy along with a dozen other patients. In most cases (almost all), each of the patients receiving therapy had a loved one by their side to provide comfort and support. These loved ones are as much a blessing to the patient as are the doctors, nurses and drugs. The care they provide reaches far beyond the chemo room. Their hour-by-hour, day-to-day care that they unselfishly provide the patient is truly a blessing from God.

What would I do if I did not have my wife Pat by my side? She has been such a source of strength and support. She has given so much of herself toward my care. She is always there to help and cater to my every need. God bless you Pat and thank you.

Our son Chris has willingly stepped up and has taken up the slack in the day-to-day tasks around the house that I can no longer do. Chris is there when you need him and the care he provides is priceless. God bless you Chris and thank you.

My sister-in-Law MK and her husband Jonathan (both Medical Doctors) have unselfishly provided countless hours of care, guidance and support. God bless you both and thank you.

My sister Ann, her husband Clyde and my mother, although living hundreds of miles away, have provided such valuable moral support. They have always been there for us. All we need do is make one phone call. God bless the three of you and thank you.

Behind the scene are the other family members and friends who rise up prayers and provide support to us and who ask their friends to do the same. The number of people who have come to our aid has humbled me. The Holy Spirit has worked overtime on our behave. God bless you all and thank you.

Matthew 25:35-36 -- ...for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.”

Mighty and merciful Lord, thank you for providing all these caregivers. The care and support they provide is so important to us. God bless the caregivers.


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Medical Update: Back Into the Fight – Finally

I was finally able to receive the second chemo infusion of the second round of my treatment yesterday. Blood counts have returned to near normal so my oncologist gave it the go-ahead. I am scheduled to receive the first treatment of my third round in two weeks. I pray that I will be able to receive it so that we can stay in the fight.

Dear and mighty Lord. Thank you for providing the opportunity to continue battling this disease. Thank You for the life extending drugs and for the doctors and nurses with the skill to administer them. A ask You Lord to continue to provide me with life. You are a great and merciful God. I trust You and will follow You wherever You lead me.


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Prayers of Thanksgiving

We communicate with God through prayer. At times we say prayers that we had learned as children and at other times we simply talk with God. I tend to not recite “canned” prayers as much as simply have a conversation with God, much like I would talk to an old friend. I tell Him about what is worrying me; I ask His advice on what to do about whatever is bothering me and I ask for his help and mercy. I believe that God delights in our prayers.

1 Peter 5:7 -- Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.

Hebrews 4:16 -- Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

God is merciful and has answered so many of my prayers for help. Every time I pray I thank God for all of the blessings He has provided my family and myself.

My wife gave me a list of Prayers of Thanksgiving that I would like to share with you. The source for these prayers is “Personal Prayer Notebook” by Harry Griffith, Anglican Fellowship of Prayer.

Family
Thank you Lord, for the privilege of being part of a family, and I thank You for those who are family with me.

Friends
I thank you, Lord, for those who care about me and for whom I especially care.

Faith
Thank you that my eyes have opened to real life as experienced through faith in You and for the opportunity to and serve you forever.

Health
For good health and the strength to do those things you would have me do, I thank you Lord.

Spiritual Gifts
I thank You for the ways in which You have equipped me to do the things You call me to do, and for the privilege of doing Your work in this world.

Home
For a home that is a haven of love, I thank you Lord.

Nature and Beauty
For the joy of Your creation which inspires me one moment and comforts me the next, I thank you, Lord.

Vocation
I thank you Lord, for the daily work I am able to do and for the opportunity to use it for Your glory.

Nation
For this nation in which we are privileged to live and for all the blessings you shower upon us so bountifully, I thank you, Lord.

Peace
For the peace and security we experience today, Lord, I am grateful.

General Thanksgiving
I thank you, Lord, for all that you have done for me. You care more for me than I do for myself. I am precious in your sight and You do for me much more than I deserve or comprehend. I have nothing to give in return but my gratitude and that I give you, Lord, with my whole heart.


God is great. God is good.


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Medical Update: Still Out of the Fight

I was hopeful of receiving Chemotherapy today but my blood work is still out of whack so once again we must postpone treatment until at least next week.

I am beginning to feel helpless.

This is the first period of time over the last four and a half years (since I was first diagnosed) that we are not totally engaged in fighting this disease but rather allowing it to thrive in my body unchallenged. I understand the danger of chemo with my blood levels what they are; yet I feel that there must be something we can do. My oncologist insists that the best thing to do at this point is wait for blood levels to return to acceptable levels and then proceed with the chemo. I trust him.

Psalm 91 -- For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

1 Peter 5:7 -- Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.

I am so very anxious to continue the battle. Dear Lord, I ask that through Your mercy my blood levels return and stay at acceptable levels so that I can continue with my therapy.



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I Can Only Imagine

I can’t help but continue to think about heaven and what eternal life is like. There is no doubt that heaven is a remarkable place and that eternity there with our Lord is something to look forward to. It is interesting that the bible provides us with little information about what heaven is like. We get a glimpse of the spirit world in Daniel 10 and there are a few verses in Revelation that describe the Throne Room but, for the most part, heaven is left to our imagination.

What will it be like to stand in front of Jesus, looking into his eyes, for the first time at the Great White Throne Judgment? I think I will be overwhelmed. Try to imagine what it would be like having the Lord God, creator of all things, looking you in the eyes with his hands on your face saying, “Come to the place I have prepared for you good and faithful servant.” Lord, I long to hear those words.

There is a song called “I Can Only Imagine” that is done by the band Mercy Me. You may already be familiar with it. To me this is a powerful song and listening to it has become part of my daily prayer routine. I can’t listen to it without tearing up and getting a good dose of humility and hope. The lyrics are below and a link to the song in a video can be found in the right margin of this blog in the Links section as well as right here.  "I Can Only Imagine".  Block out everything going on around you and listen and watch.

"I Can Only Imagine” Mercy Me

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by your side
 I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face Is before me
I can only imagine


Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine


I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son


I can only imagine When all I will do
Is forever, Forever worship You
I can only imagine


I can only imagine


I can only imagine When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you


I Can Only Imagine


Dear Lord, thank you for the promise of eternal life and for the sacrifice of Your Son Jesus as the redeemer of our sins. You are a merciful God.

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Home Sweet Home

Home.  Fever is gone and I'm feeling much better.  Sure does feel good to be home again.  It must have something to do with the familiarity of the surroundings, the sounds, the feel, the rhythm of things.  The hospital was very comfortable and nice and all.. but not home.  Home is where the family is.  Home is where you know where stuff is.  Home is where you can curl-up and be yourself.  There's no place like home.

Psalm 18 -- The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Matthew 14:34-36 -- ...and brought all who were sick to him, and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of his cloak; and all who touched it were healed.

Dear Lord, thank you for skilled Doctors and Nurses at the hospital and for the life saving drugs which, together, have brought me through this little set-back.  Thank You Lord for Your continued blessings.


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In the Hospital - Day 2

Spent this 2nd day in the hospital sleeping and getting filled with antibiotics.  I just saw my doctor - unless something changes I can go home tomorrow....

Thank you all for your prayers.

God is great.  God is good.

Sent from my smart phone.

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In The Hospital

I am posting this using my smart phone so it will pretty short.
I was admitted to the hospital last night with a 102.3 fever.  After being pumped full of antibiotics my temp is now normal (yippee).
We're doing blood cultures to try to figure out whats going on.
Dear and mighty Lord, thank You for Your continued gift of life. Thank You also for the skilled doctors nurses. Bless them.
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Divine Appointments

While I was scavenging around the Internet the other day I ran across a term I had not heard before but in an instant knew that I had hit on something I wanted to think more about. The term is “Divine Appointment”. Sounds catchy, doesn’t it. A Google search on “divine appointment” yields about 150,000 hits so the term has been around for a while.

First, let me define “Divine Appointment” as I interpret it: A divine appointment is a “planned meeting” which was arranged and led by God, where he wants you to take a specific action.

God is sovereign. He is all knowing and all-powerful. I don’t believe that God often intervenes in what we do or how we do it other than through the Holy Spirit’s guidance. But I also believe that God is not one to pass up an opportunity when He sees one, especially if that opportunity will profit His kingdom or benefit one or more of His followers.

Here is an example of a divine appointment that God arrange for me. I was having a conversation with a very close friend of mine when out of the blue he asked me if I was still reading the Bible much. Now this fellow knows me well enough to know that I am an avid Bible reader. Of course I jumped through the door my friend had just opened and began to explain to him how much scripture has helped me and how our trust in God is guiding us through our journey. We talked for quite a while about it and I offered to talk more with him whenever he was ready.

I believe that God saw the spark of curiosity in my friends mind and “Arranged” for us to meet and talk that morning. The specific action that God had in mind for me was to provide testimony about God’s grace and love, which I hope I fulfilled.

I do not believe that several years ago, before I had Jesus in my heart and the Holy Spirit to guide me, I would have had the courage to jump through that door and openly profess my faith for fear of saying the wrong thing. But Mark recorded the following words of Jesus that encourage us to talk, for the Holy Spirit will guide what we say.

Mark 13:11 -- do not worry beforehand about what you are to say; but say whatever is given you at that time, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit.

And the Apostle Paul tells us not to be ashamed of our belief in the gospel.

Romans 1:16-17 -- For I am not ashamed of the gospel; it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who has faith, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed through faith for faith; as it is written, ‘The one who is righteous will live by faith.’*

I am beginning to look for those Divine Appointments that God provides and will do my best to do the work that God asks of me.  If I do not recognize at first that God has made the appointment for me I am sure that the Holy Spirit will give me a smack across the back of my head and point it out to me.  The specific action that God asks us to take as a result of His divine appointment will range from talking about scripture to helping someone in need.

Keep your eyes open and your ears tuned in to what is going on around you.  You will be invited to a divine appointment.


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Medical Update

I trust that God knows what He is doing. I went to the Oncologist today to receive the second infusion of my second round of chemotherapy. Unfortunately my blood work (specifically my platelet count) is down so we have to delay the treatment at least a week. I am so anxious to continue with the chemo and I find these delays very frustrating. We do trust in God and will follow Him wherever he leads.

I have begun to loose strength in my legs to a point where it is difficult for me to lift myself out of a chair or use a set of stairs. My Oncologist is convinced that the problem is really the side effect of the large amounts of steroids I take. So, we are cutting back on the steroids (Yippee! I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time) and I will likely begin physical therapy in an attempt to build my leg strength.

Luke 12:22-24 -- He said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!



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The Holy Spirit, Attitude, and The Rabbi’s Gift

God has provided us the Holy Spirit to guide, comfort, correct, and lead us through our worldly life as we work toward profiting God’s kingdom and preparing ourselves to inherit God’s kingdom. Recently I have found the Holy Spirit spending more time than usual correcting my attitude. I am not sure why my attitude has been slipping lately but I am so thankful to have the Holy Spirit to instantly call my attention to it so that I can control it. Perhaps all of the uncertainty about my chemotherapy schedule is pulling me down some and affecting my attitude. It’s tough to endure and shine when your attitude about it all is in the dumps.

Galatians 5:16-26 -- Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law. Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy,* drunkenness, carousing, and things like these. I am warning you, as I warned you before: those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. The Fruit of the Spirit. By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.

The following story does a pretty good job of tying the power of the Holy Spirit to our attitudes and how that affects our lives and the lives of those around us.


The Rabbi’s Gift

Once upon a time, there was a monastery that had fallen on hard times. Although once a great order, all of its branch houses were now closed and it had become reduced to the extent that there were only five monks left in the decaying mother house: the abbot and four others, all over seventy in age. Clearly it was a dying order.

In the deep woods surrounding the monastery there was a little hut that a rabbi from a nearby town occasionally used for a hermitage. Through their many years of prayer and contemplation the old monks had become a bit psychic, so they could always sense when the rabbi was in hermitage. “The rabbi is in the woods, the rabbi is in the woods again,” they would whisper to each other. As he agonized over the imminent death of his order, it occurred to the abbot at one such time to visit the hermitage and ask the rabbi if by some possible chance he could offer any advice that might save the monastery.

The rabbi welcomed the abbot into his hermitage. But when the abbot explained the purpose of his visit, the rabbi could only commiserate with him. “I know what you mean,” he said. “The spirit has gone out of the people. It is the same in my town. Almost no one comes to the synagogue anymore.” So the old abbot and the rabbi wept together. Then they read parts of the Torah and quietly spoke of deep things. The time came for the abbot to leave. They embraced. “It has been a wonderful thing that we should met after all these years,” the abbot said, “but I have still failed in my purpose for coming. Is there nothing you can tell me, no piece of advice you can give me that will help me save my dying order?”

“No, I am sorry,” the rabbi answered. “I have no advice to give. The only thing I can tell you is that the Messiah is one of you.”

When the abbot returned to his fellow monks, they gathered around and asked, “Well, what did the rabbi say?”

“He couldn’t help,” the abbot answered. “We just wept and read the Torah together. The only thing he did say, just as I was leaving – it was something quite strange – was that the Messiah is one of us. I don’t know what he meant.”

In the days and weeks and months that followed, the old monks pondered this and wondered whether there was any possible significance to the rabbi’s words. The Messiah is one of us? Could he possibly have meant one of us monks here at the monastery? If that’s the case, which one? Do you suppose he meant the abbot? Yes, if he meant anyone, he probably meant Father Abbot. He has been our leader for more than a generation. On the other hand, he might have meant Brother Thomas. Certainly Brother Thomas is a holy man. Everyone knows that Thomas is a man of light. Certainly he could not have meant Brother Elred! Elred gets crotchety at times. But come to think of it, Elred is virtually always right. Often very right. Maybe the rabbi did mean Brother Elred. But surely not Brother Philip. Philip is so passive, a real nobody. But then, almost mysteriously, he has a gift for somehow always being there when you need him. He magically appears by your side. Maybe Philip is the Messiah. Of course the rabbi didn’t mean me. He couldn’t possibly have meant me. I’m just an ordinary person. Yet supposing he did? Suppose I am the Messiah? O God, not me. I couldn’t be that much for you, could I?

As each of the monks contemplated in this manner, they began to treat each other with extraordinary respect on the off chance that one among them might be the Messiah. And on the off chance that each monk himself might be the Messiah, they began to treat themselves with extraordinary respect.

Because the forest around the monastery was beautiful, it so happened that people would occasionally come to visit to picnic on the tiny lawn, or wander along some of the paths, or even now and then to go into the dilapidated chapel to meditate. As they did so, without even being conscious of it, they sensed this aura of extraordinary respect that now began to surround the five old monks and seemed now to radiate out from them and permeate the atmosphere of the place. There was something strangely attractive, even compelling, about it. Hardly knowing why, they began to comeback to the monastery more frequently to picnic, to play, to pray. They began to bring their friends to show them this special place. And their friends brought their friends.

Then it happened that some of the younger men who came to visit the monastery started to talk more and more with the monks. After a while one asked if he could join them. Then another. And another. So within a few years the monastery had once again become a thriving order and, thanks to the rabbi’s gift, a vibrant center of light and spirituality in the realm.                    Anonymous, adapted from M. Scott Peck, MD


With just six little words, “The Messiah is one of you” the Rabbi was able to re-ignite the Holy Spirit in the Monastery, completely change the attitudes of each of the Monks, and as a result placed the Monastery in a perfect position to once again profit God’s Kingdom.

Listen to the Holy Spirit. Recognize that the Spirit is always there to guide, correct and comfort you.

Oh powerful and merciful Lord. Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Provide me the insight to continue to listen to the Spirit and follow his direction and correction.


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Medical Update

God is great. God is good.

My blood counts are back to normal so I was able to receive chemotherapy today. I cannot tell you how great it feels to be able to begin fighting back again. I am scheduled to take the next treatment next Wednesday. I pray that I will be able to.

Psalm 91 -- For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

My mighty Lord, thank you for restoring my health so that I could receive the life saving drugs You have provided us. Merciful Father I thank You for the continued gift of life and for the many blessings You have continued to provide my family.


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A Private Retreat - Time With God

Pat, Chris and I spent a long weekend at Edisto Island with Pat’s sister’s family and her mom and dad. It was a wonderful weekend. I did not do much other than sit-around and watch the hustle and bustle of a vacationing family. It was so much fun just watching people having fun. The house had a wonderful ocean side porch and the weather was perfect for just sitting in a rocker and looking over the beach while reading, simply dozing, talking to God, and praying. I found myself doing a lot of praying.

I think that it was the change of scenery and the beauty of God’s creation that helped me take a “private retreat” with God. I did a lot of talking while God did a lot of listening.


Psalm 18 -- The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 46:10 -- ‘Be still, and know that I am God!'

Joshua 1:9 -- 'I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’

Matthew 6:25-34 -- ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink,* or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ...But strive first for the kingdom of God* and his* righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 9:20-22 -- ‘If I only touch his cloak, I will be made well.’...Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, ‘Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.’

Matthew 11:28-30 -- ‘Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’

Matthew 26:39 -- ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.’


I found the time I took for my Private Retreat to be refreshing and renewing. I will have to take them often.

Thank you MK and J for a great weekend.


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Medical Update - 9/8 & 9/15

Last week I was finally able to receive the second infusion of the first round of chemotherapy after waiting for my blood counts to come back in line. I am scheduled to begin the second round next week.

Blood Counts in the Tank
I had blood work done today and my blood counts are once again out of whack. White counts and platelets very low. My oncologist has put me on antibiotics as a precaution. We are praying that my counts come back in line so that I can receive my treatment next week. (9/15 Update: Blood work today still puts my levels too low for chemo. Pray that next week we will be able to continue with the chemo.)

Chemo-Brain
The dreaded chemo-brain has kicked in this week. Chemo-brain can best be described as being in a chemo induced stupor. It’s tough to walk a straight line. Standing up from a sitting position is an effort. All I really want to do is sit. Chemo-brain is a very small price to pay for God’s continued gift of life. (9/15 Update: Still feeling effects of Chemo-brain. Again a small price to pay.)

What the Heck is This Thing on my Arm?
A few weeks ago a lump appeared on my forearm. It was painful when pressure was put on it. Over the past week or so the lump has begun to spread down my arm and continues to be painful. I am having an MRI of the arm next week in hopes of figuring out what this is. (9/15 Update: MRI of the arm does not indicate what this thing is on my arm is cancerous. We will keep an eye on it for a couple of weeks and, if does not subside, we'll do a biopsy.)


Psalm 23 -- The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters;* he restores my soul.* He leads me in right paths; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for a His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff—they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely* goodness and mercy* shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

9/15 Update: I have discovered that the darker and deeper the valley is, the brighter and higher my light can shine.


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Religion Versus Science

I have always been intrigued by the Religion versus Science controversy and discussions. Renowned physicist Steven Hawking recently re-ignited the discussion with his statement that the “Big Bang”, or what he calls the “Singularity”, which created the universe could easily have occurred without a god’s influence and, if that is the case, creation occurred without God as the creator. This, of course, simply adds fuel to the flames that erupt between those who believe that God is the creator of all things and those who do not.

I have always been baffled by the thought that some folks believe that religion and science must be mutually exclusive. Why can’t they coexist? The controversy appears to be more political than theological or scientific. Studies have shown that many scientists are religious, and many religious leaders are scientists. The religion versus science debate involves a few extremists on each side of the issue who strive to shout louder than everyone else does in order to push their believes onto others. Whilst science and religion are always going to disagree upon some points, the vast majority of theologians and scientists are quite happy to respect each other’s beliefs. They do not subscribe to the religion versus science propaganda, which usually possesses a hidden agenda.

Let me attempt to build a short argument that religion and science are not mutually exclusive. We all have our God given talents. God provided some people with an interest and even a passion for the sciences who then train hard to learn how to explore and understand the mysteries of our world. If God did not want people fiddling around with these mysteries why would he provide the talent to do so? In fact, in Proverbs we find that we are encouraged to seek the answers to these mysteries.

Proverbs 25:2 -- It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.

As our scientists discover new things about our universe these discoveries can be used to profit God’s kingdom. You and I have been the direct beneficiary of these. (God provided the talents to scientists who engineered life saving chemotherapy drugs based upon scientific discoveries about the human body.) I believe that God wants us to discover the mysteries of our universe in order to use the newfound knowledge to profit His kingdom.

In my opinion, it all boils down to this conclusion:

Science describes the process we use as we try to figure out how God did it all.


Dear Lord, thank You for providing us with the curiosity to explore Your secrets and the talents needed to do so. Lead us toward using our newfound knowledge to benefit Your kingdom. I thank you Lord for all of the blessing you have provided us.


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Medical Update – Back Into the Battle

To catch you all up on what’s going on, I have once again begun chemotherapy with a schedule that includes fourteen infusions over a 21-week period. This involves two weeks on chemo, one week off chemo, repeated seven times. We had a set back after only the first infusion when my blood chemistry went wacky. We had to delay the second infusion of the first round by two weeks. This really distressed me since I am anxious to battle those cancer cells into oblivion.

WE ARE BACK INTO THE BATTLE.  My blood work is back to something that resembles normal so I was able to take that delayed second infusion this morning!   God is Great. God is Good.

Plans are to start the second round the week after next. Hopefully my system will be healthy enough to continue.


Psalm 91 -- For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.


Dear Lord, thank you for restoring my blood counts such that I can continue with the life saving drugs You have provided my physician. Thank you for your mercy and the life you continue to provide me.


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Profiting God's Kingdom - God's Calling

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The Great Commission

After Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection He returned in the flesh one last time to His apostles and instructed them in the Great Commission. These are Christ’s last words of instruction to us, as recorded by Matthew, before his final ascension to the spirit world.

Matthew 28:18-20 -- And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.’*


The Kingdom of God and Profiting His Kingdom

A couple of posts ago, “The Kingdom of God” on 8/27/10, I rambled on about my opinion as to what and where God’s Kingdom is. I concluded (rightly or wrongly) that God’s Kingdom is both on this Earth and in the Spirit world. I also concluded (rightly or wrongly) that God has not yet decided to take control of His Kingdom but is still in the process of building His kingdom using us, His followers here on Earth, to implement the Great Commission of spreading his Gospel to all the peoples of the world. So, doing God’s work to profit His kingdom means doing what we as individuals can do to implement the Great Commission. (Again folks, this is my opinion. I have not been able to build a Biblical defense for this position but will continue to use the term with this meaning.)

I have come to the opinion that once we have completed the Great Commission God will take control of His kingdom. I also developed the opinion that to “Profit God’s Kingdom” or to “Build God’s Kingdom” means to push the Great Commission forward and spread Christ’s ministry to as many people as possible and expand God’s “Christian” Kingdom as far as possible.

Okay. So, how do we go about doing that? Evangelism. And what is Evangelism?

Wikipedia defines Evangelism as: The practice of relaying information about a particular set of beliefs to others who do not hold those beliefs. The term is often used in reference to Christianity, where the scriptures often describe "evangelism" as "spreading the Gospel".

Sounds simple. All we have to do is let other people know about Christ and ask them to completely dedicate their life to Him. No problem. Hmmm. I fear it may go a little deeper than that. A simple 15-minute discussion with another that ends with you saying, “Thanks for listening and now please give your life to Christ thank you very much and have a great day.” Is not in itself doing God’s work to profit His kingdom. It may be a start, but there is much more to it. The objective is not to simply “tell” people about Christ as our savior but to lead them down the path toward accepting Christ in their hearts and handing control of their life to God.


Our God Given Talents

In another previous posting, “Our Talents From God, Pride, and Humility” on 6/2/10 I wrote:

Each one of us has things that we do that we are really good at. Things that bring us joy, bring others joy, make us very productive, and, in general, have the capability of profiting God’s Kingdom. As we journey through life we try new things (jobs, hobbies, tasks, etc.) some of which are whimsical, some just passing fancies, some life changing. Some of them we work really hard at but just cannot seem to get it and, as a result we eventually abandon them. Others we try, do really well at it, enjoy it, and it then becomes part of who we are. It becomes part of our “skill set” or “Talents”. We each have a unique set of (God given) talents. No two of us are exactly alike. Yes, there are others that have a talent like one of yours, but not like all of yours. As Christians, we are asked to use our unique set of talents to profit God’s Kingdom.

Romans 12:3-8 -- For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another. We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness.

We can, on a daily basis, profit God’s kingdom by using our God given talents in such a way that we provide an example to others of God’s grace and blessings. We can use our talents and give public recognition and praise to God for providing us with the talents. We can also on a routine basis let others know how God has provided us with so many blessings and that we trust Him and follow Him wherever he leads us. When you come right down to it, simply living a Christian life while proclaiming God’s greatness profits God’s kingdom.


God’s Calling

I believe there is another, more focused task that God “calls” for us to do in order to implement the Great Commission and profit His kingdom. A calling is God’s personal and individual invitation to you to carry out a unique task that he has assigned specifically to you. This calling may require a complete dedication to the task. I know a young lady who, immediately after graduating from nursing school, moved to a third world country to provide health care to the people there. Now that is a dedicated calling. God Bless You for the work you are doing. Others choose a vocation that supports their calling such as priests, ministers, Christian youth directors, public servants, etc. Still others (and I am sure that these are probably the vast majority of Christians) are called to use their talents in such a way as to advance the work of an existing volunteer organization by taking an active role in accomplishing that organization’s Christian mission. These would include things like ministering to prisoners, visiting homebound people, and providing support and care to those who need help. God’s callings are endless. The question is: “What is your calling.” What has God assigned to you?


What Is Your Calling?

Discovering what God is calling you to do is not a quick process. I found that it took much prayer and patience to discover what he has assigned me. I found myself asking God daily what he wanted me to do with the life I have left in order to advance His kingdom. For so long I received no instruction. Then suddenly it was there, a crystal clear assignment from God. Thank you Lord.

If you have not yet discovered what God is calling you to do pray to Him constantly, asking Him for the assignment. It may take a while before you get a response but it will come. I believe that God really wants us to think hard and long about it before he reveals it to us.

God's calling for you will bring great challenges, often distress and frustration. You cannot succeed at this task on your own. Only through the constant guidance and help of the Holy Spirit will you be able to carry out your God-appointed mission. A personal relationship with Jesus guarantees that the Holy Spirit will live within you, giving you power and direction. Without the Holy Spirit's guidance you will be guessing at what your calling is. You will rely on your own wisdom, and you will be wrong.


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Quick Medical Update

We continue to hold-off on the next chemo treatment because my blood counts are still out of whack. Will hopefully resume next week. I am really anxious to get back on chemo and continue the battle.

My Medical Oncologist was a little concerned about whether or not a tumor was once again developing in my brain. I had a head MRI today and it showed no evidence of tumor growth. Yippee!

God is Great. God is Good.

Thank you dear Lord for Your continued mercy and your gift of life.


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The Kingdom of God

I often use the term “Kingdom of God” or “God’s Kingdom” in my posting to this blog. I talk about "Profiting God’s Kingdom" and "Building God’s Kingdom" quite often. I use it in my prayers when I ask God to please give me more time in this life to do Your work and “profit Your kingdom”.

What I have begun to realize is that I really don’t have a firm grasp of what the Kingdom of God is. It almost feels intuitive as to what it is but it is very difficult for me to wrap my arms around it and really define it. Very frustrating. So, I put on my diving mask and got my snorkel and dove into the Internet looking for the perspective of people more versed on the Bible than me on the topic. I found that I am not alone in my frustrations. Many people are struggling with this.

There are a few Bible verses that refer directly to “God’s Kingdom” and of course we have the Lord’s Prayer (“Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done”) but there is no real definition for the Kingdom found in the Bible (at least not that I have been able to discover).

From what I can gather from the Internet the term “Kingdom of God” became a popular phrase used by priests and pastors in the 1970’s. They must have all gone to the same seminar or something, heard the phrase, thought it pretty catchy, and decided to use it in their sermons. At any rate, it caught on and soon became part of the Christian vocabulary.

I like it. I will continue to use the phrase. It has meaning to me. So, if I am going to continue to use the phrase I had better come up with my opinion as to what it means. Let me ramble on a bit (without really having thought it through yet) about how I define God’s Kingdom. Please bear with me as I ramble.

I guess first of all we need to define “kingdom”. Define.com defines “kingdom” as: “The territory or country subject to a king or queen; the dominion of a monarch; the sphere in which one king has control.” So, by this definition there is one king who has complete control over a territory. So far so good. God’s Kingdom would imply that God would have complete control over His kingdom. Now the hard part. Where is this kingdom? Does it exist only in the Spirit world or does it also exist in the world of the flesh (Earth)? Your guess on this is just as good as mine. We simply do not have enough information in the Bible to answer this question.

My Opinion

Here is my opinion (with nothing at all to support it). God’s Kingdom is both in the Spirit world and here on Earth. But, as I think about it, I am not so sure that God has complete control over either. Yet. We know that Satan and his demons constantly fight to control each of our earthly lives (and unfortunately with a good degree of success). So God does not completely control His kingdom here on earth. We also know that battles rage in the spirit world between God’s angels and Satan’s princes. This conflict is revealed to us in Daniel, Chapter 10.

Daniel 10:12-13 -- He said to me, ‘Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia opposed me for twenty-one days. So Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, and I left him there with the prince of the kingdom of Persia,

Daniel 10:20 -- Now I must return to fight against the prince of Persia, and when I am through with him, the prince of Greece will come.

So does this mean that God does not have complete control of his kingdom in the spirit world either? It would seem not. But He’s God. He can take control of His kingdoms simply by willing it, can’t He. Yes, I believe He can. But that is not part of His plan. We know from prophecy that Jesus will establish His kingdom here on Earth with his Millennial Kingdom when he defeats Satan and locks him up for a thousand years. Jesus will reign as King with complete control here on Earth during this period. We also know from prophecy that after the Millennial Kingdom here on Earth God will establish his Spiritual Kingdom in heaven after the Great White Throne Judgment. This kingdom will be populated by all of the people found worthy of eternal life in Heaven with God in complete control.

So, I guess my opinion is that God’s Kingdom is both here in the Flesh world and in the Spirit world. It also seems as though God has not yet decided to take complete control over His kingdom. But why not? My opinion is that God is currently in the process of building his kingdom. He is not done with us here on Earth yet. Jesus presented himself one last time after his resurrection to his Apostles and instructed them to execute the Great Commission which is to go among the nations and spread his teachings. Basically, convert the Jews and the Gentiles and build the Christian “Kingdom” here on Earth. We are His instruments that He is using to profit His kingdom. Those of us who are successful in profiting His kingdom here on Earth (that is, expanding the Christian Kingdom here on Earth) will inherit our place in the Spiritual Kingdom.

I might be done rambling now.

Psalm 19:14 -- Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord.

So to “Profit God’s Kingdom” means to grow His kingdom here on Earth. Growing His kingdom, based upon his Great Commission to us, means to spread His Gospel to all people. I suppose that once God believes that the Earthly Kingdom is large enough it will be time for Jesus’ Millennial Kingdom here on Earth. I don’t know. Again, this is just my opinion.


Oh great and merciful Lord, I ask that You continue to provide me the time in this life to do the work you have called me to do in order to profit Your kingdom. I ask that you give my doctors the skill and the resources they need to heal me. I thank you Lord for the many blessings you have provided my family and me during this journey. Our trust is in you Lord. We will follow where you lead us.


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Quick Medical Update – A Temporary Cease Fire

I posted last week that we had once again begun taking chemotherapy in hopes that we can stop the new growth of my tumors. The therapy consists of one infusion a week for two consecutive weeks, a week off, then start the three-week cycle again for seven cycles (21 weeks). Chemotherapy has a nasty habit of messing with your blood counts (hemoglobin, white cell count, platelets, etc.) and the more chemo you get the more likely the blood counts will get out of line.

I went to the Oncologist today to get my second week’s infusion but, unfortunately, after only one infusion last week, my blood counts are not good. As a result, my Oncologist decided to delay my second infusion until next week, hoping that things come back in line by then. So, we have declared a “Temporary Cease Fire” against those nasty tumors. Hopefully we will get those tumors screaming for mercy once again next week.

Matthew 26:39 -- ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want (Your will be done).’


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The Christian “Mindset” – Born Again

I am having conversations with someone who has begun to pursue a relationship with God and looking to accept Jesus Christ as her savior. She has begun to read the Bible, beginning with the four Gospels, and is asking some very thought provoking questions about the Bible and Christianity in general. She told me that she has discovered that, in her words:

“My mindset is changing. I'm stopping to listen, ponder, wonder, hope and want.”

Now I believe that this is a beautiful way of describing how it feels to begin the transition from the “old” to the “new”.  As I look back on how it felt to be at that point in my journey I realize that it was an exciting time. Suddenly you begin to recognize that you have changed and that you are beginning to leave the old you behind and are literally transforming yourself to a new you. Beginning to transform yourself into someone who is prepared to hand your life over to our Lord, trusting in Him to guide you through life toward eternity in God’s kingdom, and turning your ongoing focus away from the flesh and toward the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 5:17 -- So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!

Romans 8:5-11 -- For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit* set their minds on the things of the Spirit.*

I vividly remember making this transition prior to my cancer diagnosis and am so thankful that I had. Since my diagnosis I have intensified my study and have learned so much more about who God is and what He wants from me and for me. I have so much more to learn and I look forward to each new discovery. While thinking about this “Christian Mindset” I have discovered, I think, something new to me. Here is the question that has been rattling around in my head: “Is this transition from the “old” to the “new”, from the “flesh” to the “Spirit”, being Born Again?” Now I wonder if many of you (perhaps most of you) are thinking right now “Well Duh!”. Seriously. Up until this point I never really gave much thought to the term “Born Again”. So, l dove head first into the Internet to see what I could find about what it means to be Born Again.

I hit this site - http://www.spurgeongems.org/jcr_bornagain.htm - entitled “Are You Born Again?”. The writer offers six characteristics of a Born Again Christian.

1. No Habitual Sinning
2. Believing in Christ
3. Practicing Righteousness
4. Loving Other Christians
5. Overcoming the World
6. Keeping Oneself Pure

Another site - http://www.preparingforeternity.com/bornagain.htm - also entitled “Are You Born Again?” offers nine signs of conversion.

1. A sense of freedom -- peace in the soul.
2. An experience of love for others.
3. A turning of mind and heart from the world.
4. Victory where before was defeat.
5. A frequent, instinctive desire to pray.
6. An interest in and turning to God's Word.
7. A growing sensitivity to sin.
8. An attitude of willing obedience to God.
9. An impulse to witness to others.

These characteristics sound pretty good to me. I do believe though that it really goes deeper than these points, much deeper. With a few exceptions these feel too much like a “check list” of things to do. At any rate, I do believe that they partially describe how a Christian behaves and thinks.

John 3:3 -- ‘Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.

1 Corinthians 15:50-54 -- What I am saying, brothers and sisters, is this: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.

Okay… my conclusion. Yes. Making the transition from the flesh to the Spirit is being “Born Again”. Wow. For the first time I am acknowledging that I am a Born Again Christian. Feels kind of good.


Dear Lord, we continue to thank You for the many blessings You have given us. We thank You for the ongoing gift of life. We thank You for giving us Your Son, Jesus, as our Savior, and for the Holy Spirit who guides and corrects us. You are a great and mighty God and we will continue to follow you wherever you lead us.  Also Lord, thank you for guiding my friend along her journey toward you.  She will be a faithful servant and will contribute greatly to profiting Your kingdom.


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