As of the time I am writing this (May 2010) it has been four years since I was first diagnosed with a very rare, hard to treat, most likely terminal cancer. Over these past four years my family and I have battled the disease as intensely as we can with surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy. It has been a tough few years for each of us but we have unshakable faith in God and He has provided us the strength, courage, and blessings to fight on.
For quite a while my family had encouraged me to journal about my cancer, describing how I felt, what I thought, what the experience is like, etc. But I never really felt comfortable talking about myself (deep down I am really a very private type of person) so I resisted their request and, well, put it off. It has been a while since anyone has mentioned it but journaling of some type has always been in the back of my mind.
Since before I was first diagnosed in April 2006 I had begun building my relationship with God and, thankfully, by the time I was diagnosed I had already accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. It is this relationship and acceptance that has sustained me. Through all of this I believed that God has given us this challenge for a reason and that reason is to provide an example to others on how God is guiding us through this journey, provided for us in so many ways in our time of need, and how he continues to bless us as we continue our battle.
I recently decided to take my family’s advice and journal, sort of. I don’t really consider this to be a journal as much as a collection of thoughts and information that is important to me with respect to my spiritual journey woven into our experiences during our journey with cancer as it unfolds before us. It is written first and foremost for my family. I find it easier to write about how I feel rather than talk about how I feel (although recently I have consciously tried to begin to “open up” to them) and I hope that this collection provides some insight to them about me. But I don’t want it to stop there. If indeed God is asking that we provide the example of the power of God’s love and grace through our journey then I would hope that this collection be shared with anyone who would like to take the time to look it over, consider what it contains, and perhaps pick up a nugget or two of information or inspiration that will bring them closer to God. Again, this is what God has asked us to do and, if as a result, just one person who reads this Blog takes one step closer to God than we have been successful in doing the work that God has asked us to do.
This collection is a work in progress. I don’t believe I will ever really finish it until God tells me it is finished. As long as I can I will continue to contribute to it, praying that it yields fruit.
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