It’s been four years since I was first diagnosed and it has been quite a ride. During 2006 and into 2007 we went through surgery, radiation, and a ton of chemo. I truly believe that we did the right thing by hitting this head on as hard as we could. I do believe that it bought us time. Early on I asked God to give me enough time to finish raising Chris. We are getting close to finishing that. I currently pray that I can see him into college and on his way to adulthood. God’s will be done, whatever it is. I trust in God.
In December 2008 we discovered that the cancer had spread to the lungs, abdomen, liver and leg. We again endured chemo from February 2009 through August 2009. Again, God provided me with the best possible medical care and, as a result, his gift of more life. Then, just last month (April 2010), the cancer spread to my brain. Not good. Once again, God provided and the tumor has been removed. I am currently undergoing whole brain radiation. Lord, if it be your will, give me more time.
God’s Command to Me: “Endure and Let Your Light Shine”
Very soon after I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2006 I asked God how I could best do his work with the life I have left. He quickly responded to me, “Endure and Let Your Light Shine.” This command came to me so quickly and clearly I had no doubt that this is what God wanted of me. All I could say in response was “Yes, Lord.” Through all of this I have been true to what God has told me to do with the time I have, “Endure” and “Let my light shine”. God has given me the strength to endure all of the therapies and their side effects as well as the now emerging symptoms of the cancer. He has allowed me to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude about my condition. I have not failed, whenever given the opportunity, to tell people that every day is God’s gift to me, that my faith is strong, and that I trust God and will follow Him wherever He leads me.
Over the past four years I have had many people tell me that I am an inspiration to them. Perhaps that is why God has instructed me so: to provide an example of faith and trust in Him. I continuously pray that my situation, my attitude, my strength, and my words help bring people closer to God. If so, I am doing God’s work. That is what He wants of me before I die. Yet, I have not followed his command perfectly and unfortunately I have fallen away from my instruction with the people who are closest to me, Patty and Chris. At times I get grouchy, confrontational, have personal pity parties, and can get downright mean. I forget that I am not the only one fighting this disease and that they are also in this battle. I try very hard to “snap out” of these destructive moods as soon as I am made aware of them. I do not want to waste a single day that God has given us.
1 Corinthians 10:13 -- No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
Hebrews 10:36 -- For you need endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.
Proverbs 13:9 -- The light of the righteous shines brightly, but the lamp of the wicked is snuffed out.
Matthew 5:14-16 -- let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.
Matthew 10:32-33 -- ‘Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.”
Strength and Support From My Family
During the last four years Patty has been a complete angel and source of strength by my side. God has given her strength, hope and courage and she has given me strength, hope, courage, support, love, care and everything else I need to move on. I hope that she is receiving the support from me that she needs. Chris is quiet about it, yet I see strength in him. He’s a great young man. I no longer worry about Pat and Chris. Yes, they will suffer and have hard times. There will be pain and sorrow. But when I prayed to God to take care of them He told me quite simply, “Don’t worry”.
Luke 12:22-24 -- He said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!
Patty’s sister, Mary Katherine, has always been there for us. Her dedication to my family and me is unshakable and I thank God for her. She has helped all three of us along this journey in countless ways. I will never be able to thank her enough.
God’s Miracles
I know God has worked miracles. Most of them are transparent. I really don’t recognize them as miracles at the time but as I look back that is exactly what they were. The positive effects of chemotherapy. The easy access to top quality medical care. Financial situations falling into place in my family’s favor. And on and on and on. I have experienced some miracles that I know God provided to simply let me know that He is there with His hand on our shoulders guiding us, helping us, providing for us. Once I was reading the Bible. At the time my allergies were bothering me and my eyes where fogging up so badly that I couldn’t read. I closed my eyes, and prayed a simple prayer. “Lord, please clear my eyes so I can read your word.” When I opened my eyes I could see clearly. Wow. Another time, I believe it was after the fifth round of Chemo in 2006, I was sitting in my chair and my temperature began to rise. It hit 100 deg and, if it hit 101 we would call the doctor and he would have likely admitted me to the hospital as he had twice done when this happened before. Again, I closed my eyes, and simply prayed, “ Please God, not this time.” I then immediately took my temperature and it had fallen to 99 and then continued to fall to normal. God is great. God is good.
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