Down the Home Stretch

I have been in the hospital now about a week and a half. I must say that I feel a whole lot better than I did last week. The staff here at the hospital is fantastic. I have been well cared for.

We got some bad, but totally expected, news yesterday. The cancer is progressing quite rapidly in my abdomen and liver and, as anticipated there is really nothing we can do about it other than turn it over to God, which of coarse we have done. We have shifted our focus from cure/prevention to quality of life. We will bring hospice in to help with my care. I'm not yet sure what that means other than helping me stay as comfortable as possible with the time I have left which, according to the doctor, is around 4 to 5 months. HEY.... I have an expiration date! "Good for use until Spring 2011". If things get bad enough I will go into a nursing home.

The Bible is loaded with encouraging and uplifting versus. I find great comfort in them.

Psalm 18 -- The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 31 -- In you, O Lord, I seek refuge; do not let me ever be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me. Incline your ear to me; rescue me speedily.

Psalm 91 -- For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

Joshua 1:9 -- 'I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’

Dear and merciful Lord.  Thank You for guiding us along our journey and please continue to lead us toward profiting Your kingdom.

An Encouraging Squeeze

Last week in my May 10th posting I spoke about the conversation that my oncologist and I had regarding the safety and wisdom of continuing with chemotherapy. He recommended that we stop. I indicated that I wanted at least one more treatment, not yet willing to retreat from the battle. We agreed to at least one more and see what happens and I had my treatment that day.

Whoa… so does this guy know what he’s talking about or what? The treatment hit me like a ton of bricks on a truck moving at 70 miles an hour with the wind at its’ back. By the weekend I was becoming delirious and I really could not walk. My white blood count bottomed out. I’m really not sure what day it was but I think it was on Monday the 13th that I was admitted to the hospital. Today is Sunday the 19th and I am still loading up on steroids, fluids, antibiotics, pain meds, etc. I am hoping that I’ll be home by Christmas. (This would make a great song title.)

Okay. So now what? Well, we don’t know. We’ll do some scans to see what’s going on and decide at that time.

Psalm 18 -- The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

We will continue give this over to God and let him lead us through this. His will be done.

Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed by thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

Now comes the good part.

Last night I was lying on the hospital bed trying to read. I was having a hard time focusing on the book since my mind was busy reflecting on recent events in our journey. Suddenly I felt a hand come down on my shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. I quickly turned but no one was there. Okay. Muscle spasm? I turned back to my book and a few moments later I felt the hand on my other shoulder followed by a gentle squeeze. I didn’t have to look. I knew who it was. What a wonderful way for my gentle and loving Lord to provide encouragement to me in such an intimate way.


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Medical Update

It has been an interesting week on the medical front, with a mix of great news and not so great news.

First the Great News
As a follow-up to my brain surgery we had a brain MRI earlier this week to see if there are any more tumors forming in the brain. I meet with my neurologist today to learn that the scan showed “all clear” with no evidence of further tumor growth. This is really, really good news. I was prepared to learn that another was forming so this was a welcome outcome. (I really do not want to go through another brain surgery.) The area of the brain where the original tumor was is still “void” of brain matter but is filling in nicely. God is great. God is good.

The Not So Great News
I went to the oncologist this past Wednesday for blood tests and hopefully chemo treatment if the blood work came back okay. The blood work came back looking good (finally) so I was able to take the treatment I have been waiting for. Back into the fight! The kicker is, as I had feared for a few weeks now, that my oncologist is recommending that I stop chemo all together. He is concerned that I have taken all the chemo over the years that my body can tolerate and that more would do more harm than good, particularly with respect to “quality of life”. He wanted to not give me treatment this week, feeling that stopping now would be best for me. We talked about it a bit and I told him that we had committed ourselves to fighting this beast as long as we could and as long as there was some hope of extending my life. He indicated that he was not sure that more chemo would help. We reached a compromise. I took the chemo this week. We’ll do a scan in a couple of weeks to see if the tumors have continued to progress. I they have, implying that the treatments are not helping; we’ll stop the treatments. If the tumors have not progressed we’ll reevaluate and make a decision as to what to do next, if anything.

Matthew 9:20-22 -- ‘If I only touch his cloak, I will be made well.’...Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, ‘Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.’

Right now I am feeling pretty lousy after the treatment a couple of days ago. I am very tired and have no strength. I am pretty much in a chemo-induced stupor. The oncologist may be right. Do I want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this?


Dear Lord. We have faithfully followed You throughout this journey and will continue to do so. We ask that You continue to lead us down the path that will best benefit Your kingdom.



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Birthdays

Today is my birthday. I am now 59 years old. Yippeeee! I was 55 when I was diagnosed with cancer and, at the time, it was doubtful whether or not I would see my 59th birthday. But here I am. Daily I thank God for the day He has given me and I ask for another. So far He has graciously provided. God is great. God is good.

I have come to consider my birthdays as “milestones” in my life. None of us really know whether or not we will see our next birthday but most of us just sort of take it for granted that we will. Some of us hope and pray that we will and we rely on our Lord to graciously provide. Some folks dread having a birthday because it means they are getting old. From my perspective, getting old is the objective and should be celebrated rather than dreaded. The birthday is a day of celebration of the precious life that God has provided us.

Jeremiah 1:4-5 -- Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…

Dear Lord, thank you for another birthday. I have asked for, and you have provided, another day of life and for that I am deeply grateful. Thank you Lord for all of the blessing you have provided us. You are truly a gracious God.


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Cancer Is Limited

The past couple of weeks have been tough. My blood counts are still out of whack so I still have not resumed chemotherapy. My strength and stamina are still low and I have little energy to do much of anything. The Lymphedema in my right leg is causing some serious pain. And, to top things off, my left eye has lost focused so my doctor insists that I don’t drive. Oh well. {Sigh}

I found myself focusing on all of these negative things when I received an email from a friend. In this email was an inspirational quote that she thought I might find useful.


There is a sign in the Mayo Clinic that reads:

"Cancer is limited: It cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot erode faith, it cannot eat away peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot shut out memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul, it cannot reduce eternal life, it cannot quench the spirit, and it cannot lessen the power of the resurrection."


What timing! This could not have come to me at a better time. I believe that the Holy Spirit was at work here, inspiring my friend to send it when I needed it the most. Thank you Pam for your help. Thank you Lord for your continued guidance.

And I totally agree that the cancer itself cannot have an affect on these emotions, characteristics and end points. But I have to add to it with… “Unless you let it.”

Yes, cancer is limited in that it only directly affects the physical health of the diseased patient. However, if the patient allows it to, it will also affect his mental and emotional health as well as possibly shatter his trust and faith in God.


Love
If the cancer patient cannot maintain a healthy level of self-esteem during the ordeal then he will find it difficult to love himself as God’s creation. If he cannot love himself it will be difficult to love those people closest to him.

Inner Peace, Confidence, Hope, Faith, Courage
I believe this is critical. There may come a time during the journey with cancer that the patient may have to make some tough choices about treatment options and quality of life. At this point the patient may feel helpless, not knowing what to do or how to do it. He could easily lose inner peace, confidence, hope, faith and courage. Pat and I were talking about this the other day. We quickly came to the conclusion that our best option was to turn it over to God. We have faithfully followed Him through this entire journey and He has not led us astray.

Matthew 11:28-30 -- ‘Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’

Matthew 19:26 -- But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘For mortals it is impossible, but for God all things are possible.’

Romans 5:3-5 -- And not only that, but we* also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope..

Friendship and Memories
Throughout our journey we have had countless numbers of friends who have reached out to us with prayer and support. It is truly humbling. I believe that many of these people have gone to battle with us because they see us battling this cancer every step of the way. If we were stuck in our own personal Pity-Party it would be difficult for our friends to stand with us.

Quench the Spirit, Invade the Soul, Eternal Life, and the Power of the Resurrection
If the cancer patient allows himself to become focused upon the flesh and the grief caused by the cancer rather than the Holy Spirit where strength and guidance can be found then the patient may expose himself to doubting the power of the Holy Spirit, promised eternal life and resurrection.


This journey certainly has been an interesting and eye opening experience. We have found ourselves facing situations and decisions that are very foreign to us. Along this entire journey we have put our faith in God and let him guide us through all of it.

Joshua 1:9 -- 'I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’


Thank you Lord for Your continued guidance and the many blessings You have mercifully provided our family. We trust You and will continue to follow You where ever You lead us.


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